Being an Ally for LGBTQ+ colleagues

As Pride Month winds down, allyship doesn’t; it is a year-round endeavor. It can already be hard enough for women to be in fisheries/fisheries science, and being on the queer spectrum can make it even more challenging. So, having allies at school, in the workplace, and in life in general can make a huge difference. Being an ally includes: being accepting, inclusive, flexible, and understanding of differences, as well as not tolerating offensive or inappropriate language, jokes, etc.

Daniel Quasar redesigns LGBT Rainbow Flag to be more inclusive — The Progress Pride Flag: While retaining the common rainbow design as a base, the “Progress” variation adds a chevron along the hoist that features black, brown, light blue, pink, and white stripes to bring those communities (marginalized people of color, trans individuals, and those living with HIV/AIDS and those who have been lost) to the forefront; “the arrow points to the right to show forward movement, while being along the left edge shows that progress still needs to be made.” Credit: Graphic designer Daniel Quasar

Coming Out/Being Out for LGBTQ+ People

Unlike when famous people come out (e.g. recent announcement by NFL player Carl Nassib), for most LGBTQ+ people, coming out isn’t something that happens just once. It happens multiple times each day, in many seemingly innocuous situations and conversations. A coworker asks, “How was your weekend, what did you do?” While that may seem simple, for LGBTQ+ people, there is always a question of how do I answer that? “It was fine, didn’t do much” vs. “It was great, my wife and I went out to try a new restaurant we have been wanting to try.” That answer will depend on the situation: Who is asking? Are you already out with that person? Where is the conversation taking place? Is it safe physically, mentally, and emotionally? Would the answer impact your job, education, housing, etc.? Another example is navigating bringing a significant other to school mixers or work events. Having safe, supportive, and accepting lab-mates, colleagues, co-workers, and supervisors can mean a great deal to LGBTQ+ people.

Even deciding which photos of family, friends, and/or pets to display at school or work requires similar considerations about being out.

Pronouns/Gendered Language

Another aspect to being a good ally is being gender inclusive with language; using preferred pronouns, and not assuming gender pronouns based on a perceived appearance, even if you’re trying to be polite.

There are lots of gender-neutral pronouns in use, including they, theirs, them when referring to individuals. Never refer to a person as “it” or “he-she.” These are offensive slurs used against trans and gender non-conforming individuals.

Something that has become more common over the last year or so is adding pronouns to email signatures and/or when signed into webinars. It not only lets others know your gender pronouns, but also is an indicator of being accepting of others’ gender, and may help someone feel more comfortable to be themselves.

Sharing your pronouns helps to show solidarity with trans and gender non-binary people. *Photo credit: Getty Images*

Another reason someone’s gender could be misidentified is because of formality and politeness in settings you’re supposed to address people formally such as chairman, madam chair, Ms, Mrs, Mr., etc. There are ways to address people formally and politely, without assigning a male or female prefix or pronoun (e.g. “Chair Jones” or “Chairperson”). Learning different ways to address people can make a huge difference in making gender non-conforming or gender-fluid people more comfortable from the start.

What if I make a mistake? That’s okay, everyone does from time to time. The best thing to do if you use the wrong pronoun for someone is to say something right away, like “Sorry, I meant (insert pronoun).” If you realize your mistake after the fact, apologize in private and move on. However, do not make a big deal about it, going on and on can actually make the situation and person feel worse.

Information/ resources on pronouns can be found at: https://www.mypronouns.org/

Laws Against Discrimination

Why is it important for LGBTQ+ individuals to have allies and safe spaces? Currently, there are only 21 states, plus the District of Columbia, that have laws that explicitly protect people from discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity in employment, housing and public accommodations. As of 2019, in 28 states there are currently no explicit laws protecting people from discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identify in employment, housing, and public accommodations. That is over half the states in the US, a person can be fired and denied housing, among many other things for being gay or transgender. The Human Rights Campaign has a State Scorecard webpage that provides a review of statewide laws and policies that affect LGBTQ+ people and their families. There are also many countries with strict laws against homosexuality, in some places punishable by death.

Diagram of the 28 US States (shaded darker) with no job protection for LGBTQ workers. *Source Associated Press*.

How to be an Ally

Allies are people who are not LGBTQ+ themselves, but have done an enormous amount to advance the cause of LGBTQ+ equality. An ally can show support for LGBTQ+ friends, co-workers, classmates, family members, and others in a wide variety of ways.

From the Human Rights Campaign (HRC): “An Ally strives to…

be a friend
be a listener
be open-minded
have their own opinions
be willing to talk
recognize their personal boundaries
join others with a common purpose
believe that all persons regardless of age, sex, race, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression should be treated with dignity and respect
recognize when to refer an individual to additional resources
confront their own prejudices
engage in the process of developing a culture free of homophobia, transphobia and heterosexism
recognize their mistakes, but not use them as an excuse for inaction
be responsible for empowering their role in a community, particularly as it relates to responding to homophobia or transphobia
recognize the legal powers and privileges that cisgender straight people have and which LGBTQ+ people are denied
support the Ally program of their university or workplace
commit themselves to personal growth in spite of the discomfort it may sometimes cause”