By Alexandra Norelli

Though it’s just one word, a simple answer, “no” carries a lot of implications. It can feel like saying no is a bad thing, that makes you miss out on opportunities and allows other people to judge you. But what’s worse is to never say no, to get into the habit of only saying yes. This can trap you in overwhelming cycles of too many commitments and not enough time which can hurt your life and career.  

I recently asked the Women of Fisheries private Facebook group: How do I back out of a presentation I agreed to give months ago? The group bounced between “just tell them you can’t, no details needed” and “do the presentation for practice”.

One member posted this article (https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/jan/03/easy-wins-a-not-to-do-list-of-things-im-allowed-to-say-no-to) about the “not-to-do list” in response to my question and I fell in love with the idea! Before you find yourself in a tricky situation where you are locked into something you don’t want to do, make sure that you have a list of activities you will never participate in. Below is the no-list I wrote for myself as a Fisheries PhD student in my final year.

My “No” List:

• I will not take on more than one project per organization. (i.e. I can take on 2 projects for Women of Fisheries: discussion post and blog post, but I can’t do a student organization project that month).
• No work meetings on weekends, 8am – 7pm weekdays only.
• No joining any new committees at school or externally.
• I will be transitioning out of all previously held positions, so no new organization responsibilities allowed.
• No presenting at [REDACTED] seminar – I disagree with their stance on hybrid meetings (no virtual option) and thus will be boycotting their meeting because it no longer benefits me and hurts student accessibility and marketability. 
• No Poster Presentations – If I ever get reassigned again, I will ask to have my abstract removed.  I do not enjoy poster presentations and find poster sessions demoralizing. 
• No applying to grants last minute – if it’s less than a month away, just say no and consider it for next year. If this is the last year that I’m eligible for it, 2 weeks is the shortest deadline distance. 
• No side projects for professional organizations, I can attend and report at meetings but no additional work. 

You do not need to justify every item on the list, but it helped me realize why I don’t enjoy doing certain tasks or filling specific roles. If you know why you don’t like doing something it can make it a lot easier to say no without guilt. 

I decided to do the presentation following the group’s encouragement because it is important to practice presenting and show vulnerability when you are behind on a project. But, I continued to be trapped by my inability to say “no”. The presentation ended up getting moved up a week, because again I didn’t say “no” when it was requested. I made this list the week after my presentation, and I plan on referencing this list every time someone requests something new from me.